by Keith Evans
Many thanks to the catering staff for a sumptuous Christmas lunch. The gentleman's repast was a convivial affair with good company, intelligent conversation, banter and laughter. I happened to be on duty during the ladies' lunch. The decibel level was significantly higher! Now ladies, calm down. Before you start sticking pins in my effigy let me explain. There are many more mature ladies than gentlemen. This is merely a reflection of the demography of the population. We gentlemen succumb earlier because of the stresses imposed upon us... You know, I wish I had never started this. All I wanted to do was to thank the catering staff. Do Trago sell bullet-proof vests?
Mention the Waterfront and volunteers tremble and then pale. In spite of asking them to desist, the little ones shove the boats off and play submarines with them. It's a real pain. I suggest the boats are fitted with sensors which when wetted activate a water jet over the stern, or better still a quick firing pea-shooter. That'll learn 'em. The polar bear could also be programmed to growl at them. Any other suggestions to the editor please.
