by Keith Evans
A leaked memo which states that crabbing is imminent is causing concern amongst the crabs around the pontoon. The local chapel of the crab union has requested meaningful negotiations concerning the procedures and conditions involved in crabbing.
The following protocols have been submitted for negotiation:
1. The dignity of crabs must be maintained at all times
2. Bait must be fresh and varied and not out of date food debris
3. Buckets must be of reasonable size and depth of water sufficient to allow free movement
4. Only two crabs per bucket, one male and one female, unless otherwise requested by the crab members
5. Decibel levels from screaming kids must be within safety limits
6. Crabs reserve the right to nip obstreperous kids in self defence
7. Crabs must not be exposed to rain, hail, sleet, snow, cold winds, pollution or grubby little fingers
8. Return to the sea must be carried out in a humane way. At no time must a crab be airborne without a parachute being supplied
9. Post trau
matic stress counselling must be offered.
Unless these conditions are met the Crab Union reserve the right to hold a ballot or a show of claws with a view to withdrawing co-operation and picketing the pontoon.
A leaked memo which states that crabbing is imminent is causing concern amongst the crabs around the pontoon. The local chapel of the crab union has requested meaningful negotiations concerning the procedures and conditions involved in crabbing.
The following protocols have been submitted for negotiation:
1. The dignity of crabs must be maintained at all times
2. Bait must be fresh and varied and not out of date food debris
3. Buckets must be of reasonable size and depth of water sufficient to allow free movement
4. Only two crabs per bucket, one male and one female, unless otherwise requested by the crab members
5. Decibel levels from screaming kids must be within safety limits
6. Crabs reserve the right to nip obstreperous kids in self defence
7. Crabs must not be exposed to rain, hail, sleet, snow, cold winds, pollution or grubby little fingers
8. Return to the sea must be carried out in a humane way. At no time must a crab be airborne without a parachute being supplied
9. Post trau
matic stress counselling must be offered.Unless these conditions are met the Crab Union reserve the right to hold a ballot or a show of claws with a view to withdrawing co-operation and picketing the pontoon.
