Crab's Revolt

by Mike Pennell

I’m only a poor little crab
and I don’t harm a soul in my lair;
Then I’m tempted with bait,
Oh, my oath – it’s too late,
didn’t see that damned hook hanging there.

Now I’ve honed a sharp edge on my claws,
and the next time I see a kid’s line,
I shall nip it in half
and sit back with a laugh,
for the victory, this time, is MINE.

I’m gathering up all my mates,
waging war on those kids up above;
If we cut off their hooks
we may get some harsh looks
(I just wish we could give them a shove).

If a youngster fell into the water
(and we certainly don't wish him drowned)
Just a nip here and there
on the bits that were bare,
before he got back on dry ground.

I’m sure it would stop all this hassle,
and leave us in peace for a change;
a wet deck keeps them in,
a day’s rain, and we win!
I’m sure the Met boys could arrange!!

Grumpy Volunteer's Corner

by Keith Evans

Down on the pontoon there have been mutterings about the imminent start of the crabbing season. No, not from the volunteers, they don't mutter they growl, but from the crabs.

'Here we go again' one was heard to say. 'How would those humans like to be hauled up on a line with a rotten bit of bait on the end and shoved into a bucket with someone you don't like, then be deafened by screams from delinquent children echoing around the bucket. They'd soon invoke the Human Rights Act, the Harrassment Act, Health & Safety regs or take out a Privacy Injunction.

It's also about time the management did something about the pontoon which takes the ground at low water - springs. It's no joke waking up from an afternoon nap to find half a ton of pontoon settling down on your head. I ruined my claws digging myself out last week.'

I believe the crabs are voting as to whether to withdraw co-operation again this year.

Entry for The Big Blue Aquarium Competition

by Mike Pennell

If my name was Roman
and I had a whopping yacht,
I’d add on all the 'goodies'
that my other friends ain’t got.

Everyone has helipads
and a speedboat just for leisure,
but I have something right inside
that gives me hours of pleasure.

Aquariums are so restful
and if the weather’s rough,
I wouldn’t have to sit on deck
with all that angling stuff.

The crew can fish for supper
and the Chef can do the fries,
while I just sprinkle fish food
for the ones of smaller size.

The Big Blue

Le Grand Bleu is dominating the port at the moment. Bought by Roman Abramovich, she was 'given' to Eugene Shvidler, a 'colleague' of his. There is more on Wikipedia.

At 104 m (341 ft), she comes complete with helipad of course. The yacht on her port quarter is 74ft in length while speedboat on her starboard is only 65ft which seems rather small.

A little bird tells me that inside there is a massive aquarium. A prize for the best explanation as to why you might need an aquarium inside a yacht when you have the sea, full of fish, on the oustide.

The Grumpies

by our resident poet, Mike Pennell

I’ve paid a Life Sub to the G-O-M group
(that’s Grumpy Old Men, as you know)
to explain what we do, and to learn who is who,
just read what is written below.

We don’t have a livery – nor a smart badge,
not even a Union Card,
but most of us move around slowly
and the wrinkles show - if you look hard.

When a Grumpy goes sick & is missing,
the rest of the troops rally round,
and if you ask some where he’s hiding,
there’ll be those who don’t care, I’ll be bound!!

Though aged, most still have their marbles,
and some maintain they still play!!
(It’s not something gentlemen speak of)
so perhaps they’ve not ALL had their day!!

The talent among them is endless,
Professional men to the core;
A few have degrees (not that anyone’s seen,
or knows what they’re qualified for).

Nauti News gives some hints of their thinking,
they write on some weird events;
They see things that others don’t notice
and much of it doesn’t make sense!!

The ex-sailors walk with a nautical gait,
(it’s a habit you just cannot lose)
and the ones who did time in “Square Riggers”
chew baccy & drink lots of booze!

They are adept at chatting to Tourists,
with tales of their dim distant past,
but when children are shouting and screaming
they head for the Coffee room fast!

I’ve been sick so I’m not on the roster,
and I’m not sure just when I’ll be back,
(I must do some shifts before Christmas
or it’s P.45 and the sack!!)

Postman brings good news

This letter and a charity voucher (cheque) for £500 was received in the post this morning from an anonymous visitor.

All we know is that the envelope has a Cambridge postmark.

Well done us!