Thursday, 24 February 2011
Children!
The Fox's Ship Agent clerk was not so sure he enjoyed having lots of children in the Museum over half term.
NMMC Volunteer honoured with lifetime award
We offer our congratulations to John Draper, NMMC Gallery Volunteer, who has been appointed Admiral of the John Lewis Partnership Sailing Club.
The Club celebrates its 60th anniversary this year and John will be only the third person ever to receive this prestigious award. He has been a member of the club for 45 years and the John Lewis Chairman, Charlie Mayfield, has personally invited John to become Admiral of the Sailing Club in recognition of his length of membership and 'the tremendous support and encouragement' that he has given to the Club.
The Club celebrates its 60th anniversary this year and John will be only the third person ever to receive this prestigious award. He has been a member of the club for 45 years and the John Lewis Chairman, Charlie Mayfield, has personally invited John to become Admiral of the Sailing Club in recognition of his length of membership and 'the tremendous support and encouragement' that he has given to the Club.
The Sandie Martyn Has Flown
By NMMC's In-House Poet
How can we cope without Sandie!
(in the room on the left, by the door)
She's there to hear our moans and confessions -
at least that's what I've used her for!
Sandie can be quite persuasive
and rules the roost well when she likes
(anyone who disagrees then
can just pedal off on their bikes!)
She can now stay in bed until lunchtime,
and get on with the rest of her life
totally free of the hassle
of Volunteer's troubles and strife.
We shall all miss her cheery good humour
but it's been quite an effort all year,
One's health is just far too important
and work doesn't help it, I fear!
I'm sure we shall see her on visits
(just checking that we're being good)
just obeying the rules (being nice to the schools)
Well, she knows that we would, if we could.
I hope we will all support Linda
her learning curve will be quie steep;
but provided she takes it all calmly
she shouldn't lose over much sleep!
How can we cope without Sandie!
(in the room on the left, by the door)
She's there to hear our moans and confessions -
at least that's what I've used her for!
Sandie can be quite persuasive
and rules the roost well when she likes
(anyone who disagrees then
can just pedal off on their bikes!)
She can now stay in bed until lunchtime,
and get on with the rest of her life
totally free of the hassle
of Volunteer's troubles and strife.
We shall all miss her cheery good humour
but it's been quite an effort all year,
One's health is just far too important
and work doesn't help it, I fear!
I'm sure we shall see her on visits
(just checking that we're being good)
just obeying the rules (being nice to the schools)
Well, she knows that we would, if we could.
I hope we will all support Linda
her learning curve will be quie steep;
but provided she takes it all calmly
she shouldn't lose over much sleep!
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
Leak what's happened to us
One of really great things about civilisation and the ascent of man is the way we have learned to improve things over the years. Our ancestors had to survive in draughty caves, huddled around fires; or had to make do with shutters because they could not afford glass for their windows. Later generations suffered because their windows did not fit.
Not so, for us lucky residents of the 21st century. Man has long ago learned how to make buildings wind and weather proof. One simply cannot imagine a modern museum where the draughts in the cafe are so strong that you need a fur coat in winter; or a tower which leaks so badly that the Tidal Zone had to be closed for several days because of the water pouring down the walls; or windows in an office that are so ill-fitting that they need to be bound up with sticky tape for six months of the year. No, this could never happen. Not in a modern building.
And it could never be that a short sharp fall of rain could run down the outside of the building and find a way in through the windows and soak the office sitting area. That simply could not happen. This picture must simply show a modern art installation. Those buckets can surely not be used to collect the rain could they. Could they?
Still it keeps Trevor and the Phils happy. Although they did say that they would wait until the rain had stopped before going out onto the roof to disocver the cause. Chickens!
Now, where am I on the furious scale ... ?
Not so, for us lucky residents of the 21st century. Man has long ago learned how to make buildings wind and weather proof. One simply cannot imagine a modern museum where the draughts in the cafe are so strong that you need a fur coat in winter; or a tower which leaks so badly that the Tidal Zone had to be closed for several days because of the water pouring down the walls; or windows in an office that are so ill-fitting that they need to be bound up with sticky tape for six months of the year. No, this could never happen. Not in a modern building.
And it could never be that a short sharp fall of rain could run down the outside of the building and find a way in through the windows and soak the office sitting area. That simply could not happen. This picture must simply show a modern art installation. Those buckets can surely not be used to collect the rain could they. Could they?
Still it keeps Trevor and the Phils happy. Although they did say that they would wait until the rain had stopped before going out onto the roof to disocver the cause. Chickens!
Now, where am I on the furious scale ... ?
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
How furious are you?
I was feeling mildly miffed about something the other day when I came across the following in a letter to the newspaper from someone called Sierra Hutton-Wilson of Evercreech, Somerset:
'Now that even the banks profess to be "livid", another major step of the Big Society's vision of inclusivity has been achieved. I think we can safely say that, between them, all three major parties have now succeeded in enraging the whole country – universal suffrage has delivered universal suffering.
'Perhaps the quango tasked with measuring our degree of happiness could usefully be redirected to explore the level of fury throughout the land, with a scale of 1 to 10:
1. Faintly Irritated (banks, at having to fork out anything after those payments to Party funds).
2. Rather Cross (rich mothers losing child benefit).
3. Quietly Desperate (pensioners, savers, small businesses).
4. Fit to Bust (anyone dealing with a service provider or government department).
5. Outraged (trades unions and public service workers, charities).
6. Seething (the armed forces).
7. On the Streets (Peaceful) (librarians, ramblers).
8. On the Streets (Smash it Up) (students, anarchists, police).
9. Furious, Terrified, Desperate (everyone not yet mentioned).
10 Apoplectic (universal response to any mention of bank bonuses, bankers excepted).'
I could not find 'mildly miffed' and promptly cheered up.
'Now that even the banks profess to be "livid", another major step of the Big Society's vision of inclusivity has been achieved. I think we can safely say that, between them, all three major parties have now succeeded in enraging the whole country – universal suffrage has delivered universal suffering.
'Perhaps the quango tasked with measuring our degree of happiness could usefully be redirected to explore the level of fury throughout the land, with a scale of 1 to 10:
1. Faintly Irritated (banks, at having to fork out anything after those payments to Party funds).
2. Rather Cross (rich mothers losing child benefit).
3. Quietly Desperate (pensioners, savers, small businesses).
4. Fit to Bust (anyone dealing with a service provider or government department).
5. Outraged (trades unions and public service workers, charities).
6. Seething (the armed forces).
7. On the Streets (Peaceful) (librarians, ramblers).
8. On the Streets (Smash it Up) (students, anarchists, police).
9. Furious, Terrified, Desperate (everyone not yet mentioned).
10 Apoplectic (universal response to any mention of bank bonuses, bankers excepted).'
I could not find 'mildly miffed' and promptly cheered up.
Monday, 14 February 2011
Grumpy Volunteer's Corner
by Keith Evans
It was with great fortitude that I rose from my sick bed early one morning last week to inform the DM of my malady. I couldn't stand the thought of the DM's gnashing teeth if she had to rewrite the rota, or my grumpy colleagues wandering around muttering 'Now where should I be?' Sorry chaps, what I meant was my conscientious friends having to reorientate themselves.
It's good to see Enterprise 2 hanging in the Main Hall. I used to race No. 3303 in the 1950s. I won't tell you what her name was. It has completely changed its connotation in the last fifty years. Amazing how the English language changes in such a short time. On one occasion I had a 14 stone Staff Nurse as a crew. We gybed around a mark and she went down with a thud onto the side deck. There was a sickening 'crack' as the under frame split. After that she decided to go on a slimming diet.
It was with great fortitude that I rose from my sick bed early one morning last week to inform the DM of my malady. I couldn't stand the thought of the DM's gnashing teeth if she had to rewrite the rota, or my grumpy colleagues wandering around muttering 'Now where should I be?' Sorry chaps, what I meant was my conscientious friends having to reorientate themselves.
It's good to see Enterprise 2 hanging in the Main Hall. I used to race No. 3303 in the 1950s. I won't tell you what her name was. It has completely changed its connotation in the last fifty years. Amazing how the English language changes in such a short time. On one occasion I had a 14 stone Staff Nurse as a crew. We gybed around a mark and she went down with a thud onto the side deck. There was a sickening 'crack' as the under frame split. After that she decided to go on a slimming diet.
Wednesday, 9 February 2011
Can you help us out?
When Graham was cleaning the hanging boats in January, he came across an unusual item of clothing lying in one of the boats: a thong or g-string. Strangely, we have not yet had a lost property request.
Let us suppose, for sake of argument, that the item belonged to some young lady. How do you think it got there? The boat would have been well out of reach if she and her suitor wanted to indulge in any hankypanky at an event. Did someone throw it there? When? Why? And what happened to the young lady thereafter?
To spare your blushes, we have not illustrated the item here.
If you can shed any light on this mystery, please let Amy know as we are keen to return the lost property to its rightful owner. If it is yours then Amy is prepared to keep very quiet for a small consideration.
Let us suppose, for sake of argument, that the item belonged to some young lady. How do you think it got there? The boat would have been well out of reach if she and her suitor wanted to indulge in any hankypanky at an event. Did someone throw it there? When? Why? And what happened to the young lady thereafter?
To spare your blushes, we have not illustrated the item here.
If you can shed any light on this mystery, please let Amy know as we are keen to return the lost property to its rightful owner. If it is yours then Amy is prepared to keep very quiet for a small consideration.
Monday, 7 February 2011
The real stars
The real stars of the Volunteer party were the staff who rushed around working hard to ensure that their guests had all the food and drink they needed.
Special thanks to Stuart (who had taken off is dragon suit for the photo), Graham, Harriet (a geisha girl?), Andy, Chris, Angela, Dayna, Linda, Sandie and Kung-Fu Emily.
In the absence of the Museum Poet, the Director indulged his (in)ability to write bad rhymes in welcoming the guests with:
Good evening colleagues young and old
A merry evening here behold.
To China we must turn our way
And spend an evening being gay
With Crouching Tigers in the Air
And Hidden Dragons everywhere.
The new year’s here of this I’m sure
A new year mild, no tooth nor claw
For Tiger’s year we’ve left behind
And Rabbits are so dreadfully kind.
What e’er your sign, you’re welcome here
A rooster, ox or panda bear
A snake or horse, a dog or boar
A goat or rat; there are some more.
Enough!
I hear your hunger calling out.
Your thirst is like an Aussie drought.
The new year’s here and full of fun
And so, dear friends, to food please come.
Special thanks to Stuart (who had taken off is dragon suit for the photo), Graham, Harriet (a geisha girl?), Andy, Chris, Angela, Dayna, Linda, Sandie and Kung-Fu Emily.
In the absence of the Museum Poet, the Director indulged his (in)ability to write bad rhymes in welcoming the guests with:
Good evening colleagues young and old
A merry evening here behold.
To China we must turn our way
And spend an evening being gay
With Crouching Tigers in the Air
And Hidden Dragons everywhere.
The new year’s here of this I’m sure
A new year mild, no tooth nor claw
For Tiger’s year we’ve left behind
And Rabbits are so dreadfully kind.
What e’er your sign, you’re welcome here
A rooster, ox or panda bear
A snake or horse, a dog or boar
A goat or rat; there are some more.
Enough!
I hear your hunger calling out.
Your thirst is like an Aussie drought.
The new year’s here and full of fun
And so, dear friends, to food please come.
Saturday, 5 February 2011
Farewell to Sandie and Graham
At the Volunteer party, our Director unwisely decided to sing a farewell to two people who are retiring in the coming months. The choice of tune was influenced by the Chinese theme to the party but he clearly does not understand that Titipu is not in China. To the tune of Tit Willow:
In a museum in Falmouth you all know quite well
Worked Graham and Sandie, Ms Martyn
The time we have reached when we must say farewell
To Graham and Sandie, Ms Martyn
These two are both wonders that all of us know
And we really, yes really don’t want them to go
But they seem very clear that they really must; so
We’ll miss them, we’ll miss them, we’ll miss them.
In her office retreat, lovely Sandie in tears
Was sobbing, was sighing, was sobbing.
I said to her, Sandie, dear, tell me your fears
Not sobbing, nor sighing, nor sobbing.
Has a volunteer upset you, Sandie? I cried,
Or is it because I your patience have tried?
With a shake of her elegant head she replied,
I’ll miss chatting, and chatting and chatting.
In the workshop below her a banging was heard
And chipping and chopping and chipping.
There Graham was working alongside Ralph Bird
Just chopping, and chipping and chopping.
I said to him, Graham what’s that you’ve just made
Does it come from your past in the great motor trade?
With a shake of his poor little head he then say-ed:
I’ll miss chopping, (and Milly) and chopping.
The end of this song is I think a good cue
Though sobbing, and sighing and sobbing.
To say a fond farewell to you and to you,
Though sobbing and sighing and sobbing.
I have no idea how exhibits’ll get built,
Or who will tell me of my Personnel guilt,
But with deepest affection that years will not wilt
We’ll miss you, we’ll miss you, we’ll miss you.
As one listener said after the performance 'Stick to the day job'. Well at least he did not tell the Director to retire too.
In a museum in Falmouth you all know quite well
Worked Graham and Sandie, Ms Martyn
The time we have reached when we must say farewell
To Graham and Sandie, Ms Martyn
These two are both wonders that all of us know
And we really, yes really don’t want them to go
But they seem very clear that they really must; so
We’ll miss them, we’ll miss them, we’ll miss them.
In her office retreat, lovely Sandie in tears
Was sobbing, was sighing, was sobbing.
I said to her, Sandie, dear, tell me your fears
Not sobbing, nor sighing, nor sobbing.
Has a volunteer upset you, Sandie? I cried,
Or is it because I your patience have tried?
With a shake of her elegant head she replied,
I’ll miss chatting, and chatting and chatting.
In the workshop below her a banging was heard
And chipping and chopping and chipping.
There Graham was working alongside Ralph Bird
Just chopping, and chipping and chopping.
I said to him, Graham what’s that you’ve just made
Does it come from your past in the great motor trade?
With a shake of his poor little head he then say-ed:
I’ll miss chopping, (and Milly) and chopping.
The end of this song is I think a good cue
Though sobbing, and sighing and sobbing.
To say a fond farewell to you and to you,
Though sobbing and sighing and sobbing.
I have no idea how exhibits’ll get built,
Or who will tell me of my Personnel guilt,
But with deepest affection that years will not wilt
We’ll miss you, we’ll miss you, we’ll miss you.
As one listener said after the performance 'Stick to the day job'. Well at least he did not tell the Director to retire too.
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