Kissing in Cornwall

Some light relief for Christmas. We came across the attached recently. The source is not clear although the language and type makes it look historical. It is entitled Kissing in Cornwall.

It is an interesting study, that of tracing the history of curious old customs of various places. Some Cornish customs have very much struck the attention of strangers who find it difficult to account for such a difference in adjacent localities. A Cockney who has lately been doing Cornwall made a note of the following peculiarities in regard to kissing in the different parts of the County.

• Redruth girls keep quite still till they are well kissed and then they say 'I think you ought to be ashamed.'
• When a Camborne girl is kissed she smiles, blushes and says nothing.
• At Helston the ladies receive a salute with Christian meekness and follow the Scriptural rule, when kissed on one cheek they turn the other also.
• A Penzance girl on being kissed immediately proposes a walk along the Esplanade.
• A Falmouth girl insists on giving a return after four kisses.
• A Lostwithiel girl on being kissed pays a night visit to some neighbouring Druidical remains, some ancient inscriptions on which are considered to have talismanic powers in influencing her dreams and future destiny.
• Truro girls when kissed say 'Isn't it nice to be kissed by a Cockney in our own City.'
• The St Blazey girl acts decidedly on the give and take principle and objects to be under any obligation.
• A Penryn girl when kissed closes her eyes in ecstasy and does not open them again until the process ceases.
• A Hayle girl, while you are kissing her, falls into your arms and sighs aloud 'Oh! how nice.'
• When a Bodmin girl is kissed she smiles and simpers, puts on her bonnet and shawl, and proposes a walk along the railway to Dunmere, and have tea, junket and syllabubs by the romantic riverside dell.
• Chacewater girls say 'Now, if you go kissing me, "Ma" will hear, but if I make the gate creak, kiss me then, and she will not know the difference.'

Our Cockney was obviously diligent in his research.

Happy Christmas - the Office Crew

Ho ho ho!

Thanks to Father Christmas and his Elves for taking time out of their busy schedule to visit the museum over the weekend.

Father Christmas spent lots of time talking to the children, finding out who had been naughty and who had been nice, and adding it to his little book ready for his deliveries on Christmas Eve.

Gala dinner - another Museum triumph

 

The Gala Fundraising dinner was a triumph last night. Held in the presence of HRH the Princess Royal, we raised over £20,000 for the Museum in the auction alone and there was even better news to come.

The event was held in the cafe (the reception) and Main Hall (dinner) which looked absolutely stunning. HRH mingled with the guests before dinner, chatting away in a very easy style. She is her father's daughter and enjoys nothing more than a good intelligent discussion about a relevant topic. That day she had already opened something in Southampton, had two appointments in Exeter and then came on to Falmouth.

Dinner in the Main Hall was supplied by Stein's with wines by St Austell Brewery. The decor was fantastic, masterminded by our President Alexandra Bolitho. Some 124 people dressed in their finery sat down to a wonderful meal which was served by the staff team (minus one grumpy one who had to be smart and wear a tie) all dressed in their blue shirts. No one spilled anything and it looked very professional.

After a short speech by HRH, made without notes and saying all the right things both about the Museum and the importance of the maritime heritage, Ellen Winser made a very personal speech, recounting the achievements of the Museum, praising the staff and volunteer team, and counting herself proud to be one member that team. She also talked of the need for the Museum to raise funds and set a target of raising £4 million over the next ten years. She ended by reporting that we have received a pledge by a mystery couple who have offered to match £ for £ any money we raise up to £1m. This is an incredible challenge and one that will encourage us all to work even harder at our fundraising.

As HRH left she was delighted to see the whole staff team lined up in the foyer where she thanked them for their work. Then the party relaxed and got down to the important business of the auction. Masterminded by new trustee, Buddha Hunt, this raised over £20,000 and the raffle will have raised even more (this is written early in the morning and we have yet to count the loot). All of this will be doubled of course.

Finally the guests had had enough of the delicious food, drink and networking and the team worked into the small hours, turning the Main Hall back into a Museum display.

As they left, many guests praised the work of the Museum, complimented me on the team and the work that they have done and emphasised their commitment to help.  Someone even used the dreaded words 'Next time ...'

Congratulations to everyone who helped make all of this happen, especially the core team of Tamsin, Naomi, and Dayna who anchored the thing and kept me away from seemingly endless committee planning meetings and to people like Michael and Annette who appeared un-phased by the workload. We will post some photographs when they are available.

Jonathan Griffin
(without tie, with addled brain after a few hours' sleep but awake enough to be proud of his team)

Visit to Hamburg International Maritime Museum

by Nigel Rimmer

I visited the Hamburg International Maritime Museum in Hamburg's town centre on 25 May on a very wet and windy afternoon.

Their displays were very different to ours. They had 40,000 boat models and a vast array of Naval uniforms, weapons through the ages and shipbuilding through the ages including welding and riveting. There were also warships and sailing ships, viz windjammers etc. The museum contained some very old ships' paintings, mainly by Dutch and Flemish artists. There was a large (20ft long) cabinet with a medal display and one of the items was a small diamond encrusted award. There was a mock-up of a first class cabin on a German liner with a double bed and commode. Similar to NMMC there was a knotting and splicing display.

We were able to present to Rotenburg (Falmouth's twin town) two model boats from our shop, one of which will stand on the window sill of Herr Hachemoller's office.

Overall, I could have spent 2 days' holiday in there.

Museum pirates took the Falmouth Carnival by storm

Many thanks to the ‘motley’ crew of pirates that turned out to promote the Museum in the Falmouth Walking Carnival last Saturday. The disguises were so good that I don’t think anyone spotted who we actually were but we were certainly noticed by the crowd and managed not to squash anyone with our big museum ship.

Life behind the scenes at NMMC

by Clive Mathison

On the afternoon of Saturday 27 July 2013, the pontoon was busy gearing up for a crabbing activity for the enjoyment of school children and parents alike. Tickets were in demand and visitors were eager to have a go.

Meanwhile in other parts of the museum there was a steady flow of visitors. I soon found myself engaging with a group of schoolchildren and their tutor who asked where was the best place to start their vistation to the NMMC. The schoolchildren were all Japanese and the English tutor explained that they were all from Sendai (Japan) where the tragic earthquake occurred recently. The group were visitors from the Cambridge English School and had come to visit Falmouth.

Here we see them taking an interest in what was happening on the Pontoon at the crabbing session. Their tutor hopes to come back next year with another group of pupils.

My encounter with our foreign national visitors continued throughout the afternoon. I was next asked about the Search & Rescue helicopter by two mature students from the Republic of Czechoslovakia who were impressed by the scope of exhibits in the NMMC. One student said that she would be bringing her husband to see the museum next year.

Finally, two Finnish nationals who had come to stay with a friend in Penryn spent the afternoon enjoying the exhibits and Falmouth's beaches.

David Barnicoat's last big pilotage

by Colin Spargo















The Artania was the last big passenger ship that Senior Pilot David Barnicoat took charge of.

Some of the Cruise Ship Ambassadors saw them off.

Ahoy cruise ships & others

by Clive Mathison

Wow! What a delight to see the luxurious cruise ship Wind Surf arrive for a one day stop in Falmouth docks on Saturday 13 July. This is Wind Star Cruises 310 guest flagship which has 7 decks and an international crew of 191 staff. The ship is registered in the Bahamas.

The length of Wind Surf is 162m (535ft) at waterline, 183m (677ft) including bowsprit it has a draught of 5m (16.5ft).

The impressive 7 triangular self-furling computer operated sails with 2,600 square meters of Dacron surface area must be a stunning sight to see. Alas they were not unfurled whilst arriving and departing from Falmouth docks.

Its graceful arrival and departure was a sight to watch.

NMMC visit to the Met Office

By Anne Pond

 Another early start on 3 June 2013 for a group of us, leaving Falmouth at 7.30 am we were on our way to the Met Office in Exeter. Once again Phil was after his Costa coffee and with time to spare we met up at the M5 services at Exeter for coffee and cake. The drive up was good with lots of sunshine – thank you to the Met Office for arranging this for us!

We were warmly welcomed at the reception by the Met Office staff; where screens on the wall displayed the current weather patterns over the UK and the forecast for the following 24 hours. Once signed-in we were taken through to the library and introduced to the team and given our agenda for the day.  Our visit started with a tour of the building.  The Met Office moved from Bracknell to its current site in September 2003.  Built on a green belt site on the edge of Exeter, fully funded by the Government, built on time and within budget. The building is on 3 floors and running through the middle is an open space known as The Street; where people meet, chat and have coffee. The Met Office previously came under the MoD but since July 2011 became part of the Department for Business Innovation and Skills, and operates on a commercial basis.

The tour started at the Hadley Centre, which is a world leader in climate research. Next, the Operations Centre where information comes in from Europe, NOAA and many locations worldwide and models of weather patterns are analysed and passed on to give forecasts for aviation, marine, UK weather forecasting and forecasting for events and much more. The shipping forecast comes from Aberdeen. 

The Met Office operates 24 hours day, 365 days a year, has two separate electricity supplies (in case one supply goes down) and an IBM 775 Superhuman computer; developed for high performance computing for weather and climate modelling. It has the capacity to make more than 100 trillion calculations a second and takes in hundreds of thousands of weather observations from all round the world used then as a starting point for analysing weather patterns. The first computer used in 1959 was capable of 30,000 calculations a second. Weather forecasting has come a long way in 50 years.  The Met Office, currently number one, is proud to be ranked in the top two in the world, with Japan (who has similar climatic conditions to the UK).

Travelling the seas you will see yellow weather buoys similar to ODAS22 (Ocean Data Acquisition System). This type of buoy gathers scientific data on local sea conditions such as water temperature, air pressure and temperature, wind speed and direction, average wave height and period. After lunch we were given a tour of the library and the archives which hold one of the most comprehensive collections on meteorology in the world. The Met Office was opened in 1854 and in the library is an exhibition of meteorological equipment and artefacts used throughout the 150 years of its existence.  Available to the public is a wealth of journals and books including the UK Daily Weather reports back to 1869. If required, you can request the meteorological report for a specific day. Fact sheets and guides are available in the library and on the website, in PDF format, on subjects such as The Shipping Forecast, Interpreting Weather Charts, Clouds and the Beaufort Scale. Historical weather fact sheets are available for certain events such as the Penlee lifeboat disaster, D-Day, departure day for RMS Titanic and coming up to current day with the Royal Wedding in 2011.

We then walked across to where the archives are deposited, in a separate building; shared with the Devon Heritage Centre. The Met Office has four repositories with a wealth of archive material including synoptic weather charts, daily index cards on rainfall and ships meteorological logs including historic voyages such as HMS Beagle, on which Darwin sailed with Captain FitzRoy to the Galápagos Islands in 1837. Several documents were made available for us to look at including the weather records of Scott’s Antarctic expedition from 1911, showing a fascinating drawing of a gramophone and candle set up as an alarm system to wake them when they were sleeping, a register of weather observations for Falmouth, an account of John Narborough’s voyages and discoveries to the Straights of Magellan, the South Seas, Greenland and Spitsberg, published in 1694 and the original Beaufort Scale.

We all had a fascinating experience and an enjoyable time.

Your blue museum card

A couple of weeks ago we, whilst on holiday in Dorset and Somerset, decided to visit the Fleet Air Arm Museum at Yeovilton. At the cash till (being cheeky) I produced my blue museum card and asked if there were any discounts available. Imagine our surprise when she scanned the card and said "Yes, free entry for yourself and a guest." This saved John, a friend and me a total of £39.

So, whenever you're visiting a museum give it a try. They can only say no!

Pauline Fortey

Long Service Award Lunch, 22 April 2013

Congratulations and thank you to the latest group of volunteers who have completed 5 years voluntary service with the Museum.

They were treated to a delicious three-course lunch in the Learning Centre.

Congratulations and thank you to Peggy Abbott, Gillian Davies, Brian Farrier, Gordon Maundrell, Anne Ramsden, Les Rowe, Martin Smith and Geoff Street.

Unfortunately, Austral Boote, Phil Heseltine and Josie Hopewell were unable to attend the lunch.

The lunch was attended by 22 volunteers which included 14 volunteers who have completed 10 years voluntary service but who were unable to attend the volunteer party in March.

Congratulations and thank you to all our volunteers who have completed 5 and 10 years voluntary service with the Museum.

Linda Frost, HR & Volunteer Manager

Grumpy Volunteers Corner

by Keith Evans

I was standing by the helicopter minding my own business when a toddler came bouncing in, took one look at me and then at the helicopter, screamed and ran out into the arms of her grandmother. She apparently didn't like helicopters. "Oh yes she did" I hear you say. "Oh no she didn't" I say. I had my best child-friendly countenance on display and you know how much I like kids, so no cracks about me needing more practice.

Now pay attention all chairpersons. This is an important 'Elf and Safety' warning. A friend of mine regularly chairs a group of oldies and always has great difficulty in bringing the meeting to order. "I'll show 'em" he thought and at a recent meeting took along a gaval. On hammering the table he expected silence but he had forgotten that there was a guide dog asleep under the table. The terrified animal leapt up sending the table flying, documents and cups of tea scattered. Two sleeping oldies fell of their chairs and thought Armageddon was nigh as the dog howled. The Secretary is still considering what to put in the minutes as a true and accurate record of the proceedings. So would all chairpersons please look under the committee table before bringing a meeting to order to ensure there is no livestock lurking there.

An Ex-Poet

There's come a time for Michael
He's certain that it's now
Retirement as a volunteer
So here's his final bow ...

There comes a time with ageing,
took a good look at myself –
just signs of slight senility –
I should be on the shelf!!

Packed up with the archives,
put out to graze maybe,
a Grumpy who has had his day –
I think that must be ME.

No more Volunteering
No poems to amuse –
(still have a sense of humour,
for that I’ll never lose.)

No more cheap Espresso,
(though can’t visit without any)
for a double one is nectar
and worth the extra penny.

I’ll miss the Volunteer lounge
with its educated chat!!
but coffee in the Café
will have to do for that.

Mike Pennell

He tried to leave us once before
It did not last that long
But thank you Mike for all your rhymes
And this, your final song. 
 

Grumpy Volunteer's Corner

A recent report suggests that grumpy people have a longer life expectancy. I don't want any wise-cracks to the effect that I will probably survive until I'm 110 ... I want to pop off at 95, preferably shot by a jealous lover.

The tenth anniversary photo shoot pictures are about to be published I'm told. Congratulations to all those hardy souls who turned out on a bitterly cold morning to be shepherded, with some difficulty, by the DMs into the correct configuration and threw their arms in the air to order like a flock of inebriated penguins. There's no truth in the rumour that the delay has been caused by the need to air-brush out all those that fell backwards.

Congratulations also to the builders of the replica Bronze Age boat. And no cracks either that it must bring back memories for me of the original. It floated off much to everyone's relief with the help of a couple of Bronze Age plastic buckets. The only thing missing was some bear skins. When I say bear skins, I mean skins of bears not bare skins. Oh, use your imagination! Do I have to explain everything? Maybe I will survive to 110 after all ...

Keith Evans
The Grumpy Volunteer

A cold March afternoon in the museum

Yesterday afternoon was one of those days when I could have found something else to occupy my time rather than travelling 26 miles to Falmouth to be a volunteer at the museum. But if I had not come I would have missed a lovely afternoon spent with visitors from around the UK. Firstly, a couple 85 years young had driven down from Chiverton to visit the Museum and marvelled at the size of our helicopter. I had a wonderful conversation with them both. Secondly, I met a lovely close-knit family from Ashford in Kent who were visiting for the first time with two lovely polite children. The little boy, of around 2 years, politely asked if he could have the 'blue boat' from the waterfront. Sadly I had to explain that if I let him have it other children would miss it. Fortunately he accepted my explanation, and directed his parents to the shop. The only down-side was the 'gruff' gentleman who wanted to know what was grown in the fields, under the plastic sheeting, on the far side of Flushing. I did suggest to him, as I did not know, to drive across and look for himself but after that he seemed to lose interest!

And although I am saying it myself, I was thanked personally by a visitor for making his visit so memorable. So, on reflection as I travelled back to Penzance, it was not a bad afternoon after all.

Martin Smith

Galleries Volunteer

Now We Are Ten

In two thousand and two we were really quite new
And we asked for some help from people like you.

In two thousand and three when we opened the doors
The public came free and arrived in their hordes.

In two thousand and four the Olympics came round
And we swapped all our boats both the air and the ground.

In two thousand and five Team Philips squeezed in
Surf’s Up, and Trafalgar and Ellen sailed in.

In two thousand and six we endured and survived
We put up some flagpoles; a heat-wave arrived.

In two thousand and seven Mad Dogs and their like
We opened up Falmouth, gave prices a hike.

In two thousand and eight ‘twas Olympics again
With Under the Sea and a finn from Sir Ben.

In two thousand and nine the Titanic went down
The sally port opened and new boats we found.

In two thousand and ten a Life on the Rocks
The Hold and the Matthew, and Quarterdeck Docks.

In two thousand eleven, the Enys canoe
The Charter, On Thin Ice to please me and you.

In bold twenty twelve with Antiques on the Square
We opened a box and we found nothing there.
We searched and we rescued and made a new game
And watched the Olympics and lighting a flame.
From the workshop came noises, unusual sounds
Of bronze adze on wood – it’s a hard job we found.

Ten years in the making
Ten years full of glee
Ten years serving punters
By you and by me.
So here’s to the next ten
Where e’er we may be
Ten years of success
With our Boats and the Sea.

By the Deputy Museum Poet with apologies to A A Milne

Prawn to be Wild!

A HUGE thank you to Library volunteer, Lynne Vosper, who has hand-knitted three wonderful prawn finger puppets for the Education Department. Percy, Prunella and Priscilla Prawn will be enjoyed by children visiting the Museum for our magical 'Under the Sea' workshop.

Debbie Rogers - Education Officer

Museum Birthday Time

The Museum will soon have a Birthday –
Ten candles alight on the Tower
(Maybe electric twinkling ones
That wouldn't blow out in a shower)

It isn't just exhibits
That weather through the years –
As time goes by, it’s just the same
For many Volunteers!!

They’ll fall in slowly on the Square
In a pattern showing  “1 0” -
Standing rigidly, with discipline,
Our ladies and our men

Some pre-date the Museum
(Their Provenance in doubt)
Ponsharden is the place for them -
Escorted when they’re out

Some Office Staff have changed as well –
And Volunteers too;
You come on shift a different day
And some folks think you’re new!

Let’s recognise the stalwarts
Who've been here since the start –
A “Prezzie” in their pigeon hole
- Reward them for their part ?

* * *
I regret I’ll miss the party –
I've a black-tie Lifeboat “Do”;
But at the Bar in Dorset –
I'll drink a toast to you.

Mike Pennell

The Cornish three kick rule

OK, it has nothing to do with the Museum or boats but we all feel like this sometimes (don't even ask me for a list ...)


An English lawyer went duck hunting near Constantine. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, 'I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.'

The old farmer Peter replied, 'This is my property, and you are not coming over here.

The indignant lawyer said, 'I am one of the best trial lawyers in England and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.'

The old farmer smiled and said, 'Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Cornwall. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'

The lawyer asked, 'What is the "Three Kick Rule"?'

The Farmer replied, 'Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.'

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, 'Okay. Now it's my turn.'

I love this part

The old farmer smiled and said, 'Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.'

Ahoy Cruise Ships & Others

by Clive Mathison

Seen from the Lookout Tower, is an interesting vessel alongside County Wharf which has attracted questions from our visitors. It is a support vessel for seabed to surface diving and construction operations.

It has a deck area of 1,080m sq and accommodation for 102 persons. It was built in 1984.

A unique feature is that it has an 18 man twin bell saturation diving system which enables continuous diving for safety purposes (i.e. rescue of one diving bell by the other). It flies the Liberia flag.

NMMC visit to Marine Building, Plymouth University

We woke up on Monday 21 January 2013 to snow on the ground, but this did not deter a group of us to get up early and meet up in the museum car park at 7.30am to board a minibus to take us on a trip to Plymouth to visit the new Marine Building at Plymouth University. As we were boarding the minibus our illustrious leader JG parked up and walked past enquiring where we were off too. He asked the driver to bring us back safely as he ‘needed us’!  By the time we reached Truro there was no snow on the ground and our journey to Plymouth uneventful.

We arrived in Plymouth with time to spare. Geoff had some books to return to the Plymouth University Library, which the Bartlett Library had had on loan. So off he duly went and for the rest of us we went in search of a cup of coffee and for some a slice of cake! We ended up in the students union Costa coffee shop, which was good for Phil as he likes Costa coffee and a piece of cake. Feeling refreshed we made our way to the Marine Building where we were welcomed by our host the Marine Commercial Director Adam Corney.

The Marine Building, a £19 million project, aims to provide world class research and training facilities to understand marine and coastal systems in order to assess and predict change and to look at the sustainable use and protection of seas and coasts. The building was opened by the Duke of Edinburgh on 31 October 2012. It houses everything to do with maritime that is based at Plymouth University, including the School of Navigation which was founded in 1862. Our main purpose of the visit was to see the tidal wave tank.

The wave machine, Ocean Basin is situated on the ground floor and is housed in The Coastal Ocean and Sediment Transport (COAST) laboratory. The COAST laboratory can combine wave, current and wind power to create environments for testing coastal engineering. The Ocean Basin is 35 metres long, 15.5 metres wide and 3 metres deep; it has a floor that can be raised up and down so is operable at different depths. Operating on a scale of 1/20^th there are 24 electronic panels controlled by a computer which can create waves of up to 0.9 metres high and also multi-directional, recirculating current generation, both in-line and across the path of the waves and also has a wind generation facility. The Marine Institute team work on several commercial projects and partnerships such as the Wave Hub project at Hayle. Also, in the laboratory is the Coastal Basin, 15.5 metres long, 10 metres wide and 0.5 metres deep. This is used for research using various natural resources such as sand and rocks. Breakwaters and harbours can be built to create an environment for researching coastal erosion. The Coastal Basin is built to a scale of 1/50^th. The last thing to view in the laboratory was the Sediment Wave Flume, also 35 metres long. Waves can be controlled to break at a certain point and the movement of sediment monitored.

After this we were shown the first floor where the School of Navigation was situated. Along the corridor walls there were little phrases such as ‘Navigation is more than a dot on the ocean’. Classrooms are available for students to learn about electronic chart technology; the University also teaches navigational skills with paper charts. UK and international students were on the courses. There was a comment passed about maybe more Italians might be taking up the course! There are 9 ship simulators – 8 of which are computer screens and can be programmed for one of many harbours such as New York, Hong Kong, Rotterdam with monitors and a TV screen. At the heart of the Marine Navigation Centre is Ship 9, a state-of-the-art full sized Ship Simulator. The software used recreates the environment of a vessel navigating the oceans. When we arrived it was in use by students but we were lucky enough that they were just finishing so we were able to enter and have a go. With a 270-degree screen and advanced computer imagining and with Plymouth Sound as our approach several of us took the helm. Many hazards, such as a burning ship and different weather systems were thrown at us. Survivors in the water and a life raft were mowed down by Phil and ably assisted John Fortey! The weather got really rough and it really felt like the floor was moving as on a ship.

Our final port of call on the tour was the Marine Innovation Centre, an area dedicated to bringing together knowledge and expertise in the maritime environment between the University, Business and Industry. The centre has accommodation for Boardroom-style meetings, space for informal meetings and facilities for students, staff and visitors who wish to use the Marine Building.

A fun time was had by all and off course the highlight of the visit to the Marine Building, Plymouth was the Ship Simulator.Anne Pond

Grumpy Volunteers Corner

by Keith Evans

The Christmas festivities are but a distant memory but I must just mention the volunteer's Christmas lunch and give a belated vote of thanks to all those who made it such an enjoyable occasion. For the first time in a decade we were allowed to join our female colleagues and very pleasant it was too. We were outnumbered and couldn't get a word in edge ways but that's not unusual.

I was recently up to my waist in excited kids on Waterfront when through the haze I saw Jonathan passing by and, knowing how much I enjoy kids en masse, he was grinning from ear to ear. Kids are tolerable on their own, especially when they're asleep, but this lot were a cross between a pop concert and a rugby scrum.

Jonathan said something I couldn't quite hear. I wasn't sure whether it was encouragement, sympathy or blessing me for being a martyr. Anyway he made a quick exit leaving me to my fate.