by Keith Evans
I was standing by the helicopter minding my own business when a toddler came bouncing in, took one look at me and then at the helicopter, screamed and ran out into the arms of her grandmother. She apparently didn't like helicopters. "Oh yes she did" I hear you say. "Oh no she didn't" I say. I had my best child-friendly countenance on display and you know how much I like kids, so no cracks about me needing more practice.
Now pay attention all chairpersons. This is an important 'Elf and Safety' warning. A friend of mine regularly chairs a group of oldies and always has great difficulty in bringing the meeting to order. "I'll show 'em" he thought and at a recent meeting took along a gaval. On hammering the table he expected silence but he had forgotten that there was a guide dog asleep under the table. The terrified animal leapt up sending the table flying, documents and cups of tea scattered. Two sleeping oldies fell of their chairs and thought Armageddon was nigh as the dog howled. The Secretary is still considering what to put in the minutes as a true and accurate record of the proceedings. So would all chairpersons please look under the committee table before bringing a meeting to order to ensure there is no livestock lurking there.