by Keith Evans
Nauti News now appears on a new website and they’ve been trying to drag me kicking and screaming into the new world of technology instead of having to decipher my scrawl. They don’t realise I still have a stock of quill pens.
We must do something dramatic to draw public attention to the front of the museum. I’ve always thought it a bit uninspiring and bland. I suggest a mast of a square rigger. We could then have volunteers manning the yardarms with the most athletic one (have we got an athletic volunteer?) acting as buttonboy on the truck. We could ‘splice the main brace’ with a tot of rum, preferably after the volunteers have come down. Health and safety would spoil the effect by demanding a safety net. Which reminds me, Santa Clause will be a little late this year because he’s not allowed to land on the roof to come down the chimney. He’s got to erect scaffolding.
The oddball this edition must go to the chap who asked ‘What use was that Drebbel submarine? It’s useless. You can’t see out of it. You can’t do anything with it.’ I pointed out that in the 17th century it was the cutting edge of technology. He wasn’t convinced. He went off muttering ‘It’s useless.’
I think we should have a wishing well. The idea came to me when two little spoilt children were given tokens for the boats by their doting mother. ‘A token for you dear and there’s yours.’ The brats hurled them into the pool! ‘Now that wasn’t very clever was it?’ said the pathetic mother. I was all for chucking the kids in after their tokens.
Nothing very romantic has happened recently unless you count the couple by the mermaid in The Hold. I just entered in time to see the young chap get a thump from his pretty girlfriend. I could only speculate what he said or did to deserve it. Suggestions on a postcard to the editor please.
