Grumpy Volunteer's Corner

by Keith Evans

The helicopter is proving to be the biggest 'wow' factor this year, judging from the 'Ooo's and 'Ahh's as visitors enter The Hold. However, it doesn't convince everyone. One lady said "It's not real is it. It doesn't have a propeller on the top." Which just goes to prove you can't fool the oldies. One chap, who looked like Charlie Chaplin's brother said "How did you get that in here? Through the roof?" "No," I said "we took the easy way and brought it through the doors. We didn't like the idea of taking the roof off." "I suppose not" he said, quite seriously. Another chap said "What's that doing in here? I thought it was a maritime museum." "Well," I said "it can float." He gave me a look of disbelief.

Two old ladies came out of the lift in Lookout just as a hoard of kids came rampaging up the stairs. "We've been trying to get away from them all morning" one said in a broad Welsh accent. "Never mind" she said "like you, we must be getting old." Oh thanks, I thought, you've made my day! "Where are you from?" I asked. "Denbigh, North Wales, said the other. "My nephew has a hair dressing salon in Denbigh" I said. "Now that's funny," she said "what's his name?" "Jones" I said. "Ah now, look you," she said "it would be wouldn't it."

There's no end to Jonathan's enthusiasm. He was seen recently in the Main Hall with a feather duster, a pink one at that. Not that he was dusting anything. I think he was using it as a tickling stick to boost morale.

Sunday PM shifts

by Mike Pennell

We’re short of Volunteers
for PM Sunday shifts;
There’ll have to be incentives –
maybe Bribery or Gifts!

Free lunch could be an option
(no cooking for their wives)
but only one small portion –
(so that catering survives).

It could be in our contract
“Two PM shifts a year”
It would surely be a burden
that most of us could bear.

Or maybe just a guarantee
“No Waterfront at all”
There’s many who would welcome that
as they stayed in Main Hall.

A special badge upon one’s fleece
and that would show each Guest,
just who’s prepared to give their time
while others are at rest.