Christmas Card Competition

These are this year's winning cards. Debs has rung the winners and they are delighted, as is Penny at the Mission to Seafarers and Father Mark Mesley who judged the competition. We will run the competition again next year.

Three Degrees Lookalike Contest

Second prize goes to Chris, Stu & Angela...













but First Prize must go to Sam, Kirsty & Kate!















Special thanks to Michael who did a fabulous job of organising this year's staff Christmas Party. Roll on next year's now!

A Duff Father Christmas?

by Debs Rogers

On Friday 18 December, 17 Museum Minnows, all under the age of 3, visited Santa in his grotto. Mick Duff rose to the challenge of being the guest of honour.

The mums were VERY impressed with our Father Christmas. One mum said he was ‘the best I’ve ever seen as he’s so real!’ Another said she was ‘... surprised my son didn’t cry as I expected him to. I think it’s because his beard is real and he’s very friendly and lovely with the children’.

The Paper Chase

by Mike Pennell

The year is nearly over
Twenty-ten will soon be here,
So a Resolution’s called for,
in time for our New Year.

Some forward long Suggestions
(& some of them make sense);
There’s those that we don’t dare to write
in case they give offence!!

Communication’s wonderful,
and most important too;
but this involves more paper
to get the message through.

Our Coffee Room is full of Bumph
there’s Rules & Notes & Files!
Just think of all the wood it took
to make those paper piles.

Then, even when I get back home,
there’s more on my PC,
I print the Mails & info - Whoops!
there goes another tree!!

There is, of course, the Telephone,
Now THAT should save the trees,
But as I get forgetful,
just jot it down here, please!!

There’s Post-It notes all up the wall,
(but none with any date!!)
I wish I could remember
to what they might relate.

I’ve considered one way out of this,
A Trappist Monk I’ll be,
No speech, and slates to write on,
So please don’t contact me.

Paul's Warts Part Two

With regard to the 9 December Nauti News item, I have searched the list of attendees
at the Breakfast and cannot find Paul Swarts listed. I am extremely suspicious that he was an uninvited illegal immigrant, with little knowledge of local custom & practice.

Maritime House was named because it looks very similar to the car-carrying ship at Duchy Wharf.

Ships & Castles used to have a flat glass roof, but the rain-soaked ground caused this end to subside (Not many people know that)

Hemisphere comments bring to mind the “Children & Fools shouldn’t see things half done”

The Volunteer owner of the Orange Bungalow has contacted his Solicitor and The Director will be hearing from him soon.

Team Phillips is awaiting a move to the front of the Museum – where it will be painted like a Lighthouse & stand upright in the absence of a more appropriate attraction after the Underwater Loo has been removed (our own addition to the list!!)

The Docks buildings & Coal yard remain as a deterrent to visiting Cruise ship passengers from going ashore & cluttering up Falmouth High St. or the Eden project.

Malcolm Miller was partly uncovered at the request of the RSPB – for seagulls to perch.

The Green House has not been re-painted. The cheap-offer B & Q paint has just been diluted by the rain.

If Mr. Swarts had attended the talk in Lookout that morning, he would be better informed and not spread alarm & despondency about Falmouth, Jewel of the South-west.

Grumpy Volunteers Corner

By Keith Evans

Some time ago Sandie suggested that volunteers might like to take responsibility for individual boats. Having thought about this I think we should go one further. Volunteers need more exercise involving something useful. Not like jogging which always seems to me to be a useless activity – have you ever seen a jogger looking happy? No! Something useful such as scrubbing the pontoon to clean the seagull guano, cleaning the tidal windows preferably when the tide is in, polishing the brass on Waterlily or, for the less energetic, touching their forelock to the Director. We would of course have to have meaningful negotiations, a feasibility study, environmental impact and Health & Safety report. We’d probably be infringing on the seagull’s rights, the fish will object to looking in at humans, the glittering brass would dazzle the visitors and one of us have forelocks. Sorry Sandie it’s a non-starter.

It had been a quiet morning in the Main Hall. A young couple came in and stood talking around the orientation model, as confused as everyone. She was a bit of an ugly duckling really. Suddenly he picked her up and twirled her around like a crazed Dervish. Nigel woke up and nearly fell off his chair. We wondered what was going to happen next. Unfortunately nothing did and within a couple of minutes the Main Hall returned to its normal November tranquillity.

A delicate situation arose when a group of French students with questionnaires on clipboards were seeking information about the large oil painting in the Packet gallery of an English Packet capturing a French privateer in a bloody skirmish. Now Keith, I thought, talk yourself out of this one without causing a diplomatic incident. Any suggestions on a postcard to the Editor please.

Welcome Hannah

It was a dark and unstormy night on the road from Constantine, somewhere around Treverva. A head poked out of the ambulance and said 'I think you had better come quickly.'

Earlier that Monday, Sarah and Russ Bibby had got on the phone to the midwife. 'Don't even think of driving. Call an ambulance.' Half an hour later they were on their way from Constantine to Treliske with Sarah in the ambulance and Russ following in the car.

The ambulance pulled off the road into a field gateway to check Sarah over. Russ waited until the head popped out of the ambulance.

He rushed over to see what was happening and another, much smaller, head popped out to greet the world. When all had recovered from the shock, the para-medic mumbled, 'I suppose I shall have to fill in another patient entry form', as they drove their way on to Treliske, comforting the new Mum.

Welcome to the world Hannah May Bibby: a sister for Charlotte. You little bundle of 8lb 2oz joy. You certainly gave your parents a surprise.

Why not add Treverva to your names in memory of that field gate? Will you grow up to become a farmer and what will you put on your birth certificate under 'Place of Birth'?

Paul's warts

A recent Volunteer breakfast had a very positive seasonal flavour. Instead of discussing our plans for Christmas, an analysis of Karen's yummy mince pies or the possible content of our crackers, the conversation turned to the horrors to be viewed from Look Out at this time of year. These became known as Paul's warts (don't ask). Can you add to the list? In some sort of order:

The Stalinist Maritime House - said to contain fold-down beds and fold-down desks (for fold-down students?). One visitor apparently asked whether the scaffolding was because they were 'demolishing it'. If only.

Ships and Castles - the Star Trek landing vehicle; another building which should never have got past the planners.

Hemisphere -the ugly half-built grey catamaran cluttering up the view from the cafe. 'Bring back a schooner' said the purists.

The orange bungalow somewhere up near Wood Lane (let us hope no Volunteer lives in it).

The remnant of Team Philips was generally agreed to be a sad sight. Will it magically disappear when the Docks fill in some more water to create their new wharf?

The Docks buildings and coal bunkers were awarded an honourable pass as they at least had some positive use

And, with a tinge of sadness, the Malcolm Miller which looks like a half-unwrapped cigar and is said to be in a pretty bad way. She is, according to gossip, going into Pendennis to be converted to a millionaire's yacht. If so then roll on the bankers' bonuses; gosh, did I really say that?

We all lamented the passing of the Green House which had been re-painted in a lighter green. While aesthetically more acceptable, this had sadly dropped it off visitors' list of 'Wassat?' questions.

All of this assumes that one can actually see out the windows with the amount of rain that has been falling recently. Come to sunny Falmouth for the lovely views from the Museum Look Out indeed!

A Monster From The Deep

by Mike Pennell

On Wednesday last, when on my shift,
I went to Tidal Zone,
I looked out of the window
and I wasn’t there alone!!!

A man was staring in at me
with frightening piercing eyes,
He had a beard – and he was armed;
Imagine my surprise.

He was trying to get through the glass,
with a weapon on a stick,
I was frightened he’d assault me
but the window was too thick.

I smiled and made a gesture,
and then he made one too!!!
(I think he was suggesting
something that I could not do!!!)

I retired to the Lookout,
and reported the event
I was told he was a Cleaner,
and was quite without intent.

Children would be frightened
if they saw him floating there,
we should close the Tidal Zone until
he’s gone back to his lair!!